The Seattle Seahawks have their famed “12th Man.” The best the Detroit Lions can do is some jackass with a laser pointer. A man police later identified as Mark Beslach allegedly used a laser pointer during last week’s home game against Buffalo. Evidently believing his beloved Lions couldn’t possibly win a football game without his assistance, he did his best to distract the Bills players. Then, as if that wasn’t idiotic enough, he boasted about his exploits on social media, and that was how local law enforcement tracked him down. Here’s the poetic justice portion of our story. Buffalo came from 14 points behind and eventually won the game on a 58 yard field goal from kicker Dan Carpenter. Alex Henery, the Lions kicker, missed four out of five of his field goal attempts. He was subsequently released by the team. The Lions signed Matt Prater a couple days later. Prater, you may recall, missed the first four games of the season due to a suspension related to alcohol abuse. Turns out it’s tough to kick accurately when you’re seeing three goalposts. Prater had three field goal attempts against the Vikings on Sunday and missed two of them. For the season, Lions kickers are now a combined 5 of 15.
Thursday night football has been great for television ratings. It’s not so great if you want to see decent football. Baltimore and Seattle were Thursday night winners and both won by 20 points. The Giants won by 31, the Packers by 32, and the Falcons by 42, which brings us to Week 6. Here are a few fun facts from the Colts matchup with the Texans. The Colts scored 24 first quarter points. The Texans managed just 2 first quarter yards. That’s bad. I mean, that’s really, REALLY bad. The Colts kicker, who would obviously never fit in in Detroit, scored three times as many points as the Texans had yards, and Colts receiver T.Y. Hilton alone outgained the entire Texans team by more than SEVENTY TIMES! In their defense, the Texans rallied to only lose by 5.
I mentioned the Falcons big Thursday night win. That was against the Buccaneers, but it now appears Tampa Bay can get their asses kicked that badly pretty much any day of the week. They played the Ravens on Sunday. Baltimore is good but definitely not what you’d considered an offensive powerhouse. That was before quarterback Joe Flacco threw 4 first quarter touchdown passes. He threw 5 total on just 21 completions. That’s either incredibly efficient or the Bucs are just plain abysmal. Take your pick.
The quote of the week comes from NBC’s Dan Patrick who said, “The Patriots don’t just rent the Bills–they own them.” I’d say that about sums it up. New England has now beaten Buffalo 21 times in their last 22 tries.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses a leg. As you surely know, Philadelphia fans have the reputation of being the most unruly in all of sports. That probably started when disgruntled Eagles fans famously booed and threw snowballs at poor old Santa Claus. A separate snowball incident occurred years later and a courtroom was eventually built at the football stadium to help deal with all the idiots. \Other area teams may have to follow that example. A Phillies fan intentionally vomited on a man and his daughter, and a Flyers fan was sent to the penalty box, literally. That’s bad, but this is even worse. The Eagles hosted the Giants Sunday night. At one point during the game, a heavily intoxicated woman stole an artificial leg belonging to a Viet Nam vet. I wish I could say I was kidding. The culprit is still at large and considered legged and dangerous. Actually, the missing limb was recovered on a subway car hours later. The woman who took it is presumably still sleeping off her hangover.
On a lighter note, 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick was recently fined $12,500 for allegedly using unauthorized language during an NFL game. He’s attracted the league’s ire once again. Kaepernick had to shell out another ten grand for a “logo infraction.” The NFL is sponsored by Bose, and although players are not prohibited from wearing non-Bose headphones, competitor logos must be covered in certain situations, including the post game press conference. During Kaepernicks Week 5 press conference, he wore Beats headphones and had the gall to let the whole world see it. Two things. First, is the National Football League really paying people to watch for this stuff? The answer is yes and the salaries probably come out of all the fines that are collected. Such fashion faux pas are quite common and those looking for them are pretty damn picky. Players can display the Under Armour logo but only on gloves and cleats. Panthers quarterback Cam Newton had the logo on his helmet visor and it cost him ten large. But getting back to Kaepernick, who in hell wears headphones to a press conference anyway? Is there anything more disrespectful?
- media type: How will you prepare for your next game?
- Kaepernick: What?
- media type: I said you’ve got a big game coming up. How will you prepare?
- Kaepernick: Hold on. I love this song.
Let’s dig into our Game Day Recipe of the Week. We’ve done dip, cheese and salsa. Now it’s time for a real game day meal. I’m talkin’ Cincinnati or Two-Way Chili. This is a little different than what might be considered a more traditional chili in that the Cincinnati style is served over pasta and layered. Some of the ingredients are a little nontraditional as well. Don’t be scared. This is good stuff. And if you don’t have or you’ve never heard of cardamom, you can substitute equal parts nutmeg and cinnamon.
One more quick note–although Cincinnati chili is typically bean-less, unless you add them as one of your layers, I’m a bean guy and I prefer to mix them right in. What you do with them is entirely up to you.
1 pound fettuccini or spaghetti
1 pound lean ground beef
3 cloves minced garlic
2 medium onions (chopped)
15 oz. can tomato sauce
1 can kidney beans (light or dark)
1 cup beef broth
2 Tbsp chili powder
2 Tbsp semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 Tbsp white vinegar
2 Tbsp honey
1 Tbsp allspice
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. ground cumin
1/2 tsp cardamom
1/4 tsp ground cloves
shredded cheddar cheese
minced white onion
Lightly brown ground beef. I actually prefer to use ground turkey but that one’s up to you. Add all other ingredients (except for pasta and optionals). Stir and simmer uncovered for 1 hour. Serve over cooked pasta. Top with shredded cheddar for three-way chili, minced white onion for four-way chili, and kidney beans for five-way chili. Garnish with oyster crackers and chow down! This recipe is guaranteed to put you in a good mood, even if it’s Thursday night and you’re a Buccaneers fan.
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