The Chicago Bears stink. I’m basing that bold statement on all the yelling that was coming from their locker room following their latest demoralizing home loss. The Bears haven’t won a home game all season, but the stage was set for them to snap that streak in a big way. After all, their opponent hadn’t won a game on American soil since Week 1. It’s true. The Miami Dolphins opened the season with a big win over the Patriots. The game was in Miami, which technically still belongs to the United States. They then lost to the Bills, Chiefs and Packers; and although the Dolphins did beat the Raiders, they had to go all the way to London to do it. And let’s face it. Everyone beats the Raiders.
As for the Bears, I invite you to take another look at the incredibly poignant not to mention hilarious Jay Cutler cartoon I posted earlier this season. Of course you can’t blame the oft-maligned Bears quarterback for all of the team’s problems. On second thought, you probably can. In the three games the Bears won, Cutler didn’t turn the ball over at all. In each of their four losses, he turned it over multiple times leading to 37 points for the opposition. In case you’re wondering, they lost those games by a combined 44 points. Moral of the story–Chicago would have had a much better chance Sunday had Cutler not thrown yet another interception and fumbled twice.
So the Bears can’t win at home. The Saints and Falcons can’t win on the road. I mean, they really can’t win on the road. They’re a combined 0 – 8 this season. The Saints lost five out of their last six road games in 2013, and their most recent road win came nearly a year ago… in Atlanta! The Falcons are no better. To be perfectly blunt, they’re actually worse. They’ve played twelve road games since the start of last season… and lost eleven of them. Their saving grace is that they play in the beleaguered NFC South. The division is a combined 8 – 17 and the Carolina Panthers, at 3 – 3, are alone in first place.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and the NFL has done a great deal to embrace it. We’ve seen the pink cleats, pink towels, and heard all the heartwarming stories about players’ wives, girlfriends, mothers, etc. It’s all been very touching, and on Sunday, the Buffalo Bills took their support to an entirely new level. They actually signed a guy named Boobie. I didn’t know that until Fred Jackson got hurt, and then C.J. Spiller got hurt, and all of a sudden, Anthony Boobie Dixon was the only runningback left on the Bills’ roster. The really weird thing is, even with a nice name like Anthony, he prefers to be called Boobie. And believe me, the announcers went out of their way to call his name at every opportunity. It was like Beavis and Butthead doing play-by-play.
- “Hey, Boobie looks good today?”
- “Yeah, Boobie’s really sticking it out there.”
- “Big debut for Boobie. We’ll be right back.”
- (snicker) “Boobie.”
Early this past week, Dallas Cowboys runningback Joseph Randle made headlines when he got busted for shoplifting. Dude makes almost half a million dollars a year, roughly thirty grand per game, yet spends his free time swiping cologne and underwear. Yes, underwear. The team fined him a game check for acting like a moron. And now for the totally ridiculous part of this story. You don’t think professional athletes get preferential treatment? MeUndies, the company Randle tried to rip off, has hired him as their new spokesman. According to their rather unusual missions statement, MeUndies is “transforming how people perceive and purchase their underwear,” Uh, I don’t think I’ve ever perceived my underwear at all. I guess that was my mistake. Randle will receive enough in compensation to cover his fine. He’ll also get lots of new skivvies. Where’s the justice in that?
For this week’s game day recipe, let’s kick’ it old school, and when I say old I’m talking like a hundred years ago. It’s time for Party Mix . This is a family favorite. It’s sort of like Chex Mix but way better because it’s been around a lot longer and the recipe came from my great grandmother. I’ll give you the original recipe as well as the modifications I’ve made over the years.
half a box of Corn Chex
half a box of Rice Chex
Half a box of Wheat Chex
Half a box of Cheerios
Half a box of Kix
a bag of stick pretzels
1 Tbsp. garlic salt
1 Tbsp. onion salt
1 Tbsp. celery salt
1 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
3 sticks butter
1/2 cup vegetable oil
Preheat oven to 250. Melt butter in a sauce pan over low to medium heat. Add oil and seasonings and stir until well blended. Dump the cereals and pretzels into a LARGE roasting pan and mix gently. Drizzle about a third of the sauce on top, mix, and repeat process until all sauce is gone. Bake uncovered for two hours, mixing every 30 minutes.
Okay, so a few things you’ll notice. First, terms like bag and half a box are not terribly specific. Proportions really don’t matter. Trust me on that one. Second, that’s a whole lot of salt and butter. I use margarine, and I substitute onion powder for the onion salt. To give the sauce a tad more zing, you may want to double up on the Worcestershire. You’re undoubtedly wondering what you’ll do with a bunch of leftover half boxes of cereal. That one’s easy. Make two batches. Party mix stores very well, stays nice and crunchy for weeks and makes a wonderful gift.
I no longer use Kix or Corn Chex. My standard party mix consists of a box of Rice Chex, a box of Wheat Chex, and the half box of Cheerios. I prefer waffle pretzels to sticks (because they catch more of the sauce). I also add a bag or so of Bugles (way better than Corn Chex) and my favorite ingredient is a pound or two of sesame sticks. If you’d like, you can also add peanuts or cashews.
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