NFL Week 5 Recap: Losing Streaks and Coffee Enemas

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THE CLEVELAND BROWNS ARE IN FIRST PLACE!  Although I only started blogging my football updates a few weeks ago, I’ve been writing them for years and I’m quite sure that first sentence is one I’ve not only never written before but never ever imagined I would.  I should point out that, in the always interesting AFC North, the Pittsburgh Steelers are the only team not in first place.  That doesn’t make the Browns’ three-game win streak any less impressive.  How long has it been since Cleveland made the playoffs?  I don’t know either, and when I tried to google it the response I got was Who?  Here’s something else you probably didn’t know about the Browns.  In the 63 year history of the team with the ugliest uniforms in pro sports, never before has a Browns quarterback won his first three starts.  I think we’d all be hard pressed to name three Cleveland Browns quarterbacks but that’s a different story.  Three weeks ago, following an 0 – 2 start and just days after trading away their franchise runningback to Indianapolis, the Browns handed the reins to Brian Hoyer.  Hoyer, it turns out,  came into the league in 2009 and spent four utterly insignificant seasons with the Patriots, Steelers and Cardinals before heading to Cleveland where everyone thought he’d do a fine job holding the clipboard and serving Gatorade.  Instead, he made the most of his unexpected opportunity.  He won his first start, and his second, and following a great play in last Thursday’s game against the Bills, tore his ACL and is out for the year.

Our stat of the week is brought to you by the letter P, as in POINTLESS, PATHETIC, PUTRID, and PISS POOR.  The Lions traveled to Green Bay on Sunday.  It’s an annual trek and always turns out the same way.  In fact, the last time the Lions won a football game anywhere in the state of Wisconsin was 1991.  George Bush SENIOR was our president and Brett Favre, now retired, was still on the roster of the Atlanta Falcons.

A wise man once said, “And the Cowboys are the Cowboys.  No matter how good they might look, they still find some way to lose.”  That wise man was me… in last week’s update.  My wife gets tired of me being right all the time.  I’m sorry but I can’t help it.  Dallas hosted  Peyton Manning and the undefeated Denver Broncos on Sunday.  The Cowboys jumped out to an early 14 point lead, which they subsequently lost but got it back again late in the game.  Manning threw his first interception of the year and it looked like things were really going Dallas’ way.  They couldn’t lose.  With the game tied at 48, it was obvious neither defense had bothered showing up.  Dallas had the ball.  Any score would win the game. The Cowboys dialed up their trademark play.  Tony Romo took the snap, dropped back, and threw an interception.  No one was surprised.  Oh, and the Broncos are still undefeated.

Clipart Illustration of a Burrito Plate ( Mexican Food )If the Washington Redskins defense is a dirty diaper, that makes the Giants defense something along the lines of a coffee enema following a five course meal at Taco Bell.  So far this season, the Giants have allowed a league worst 182 points.  They became the first team since the 1954 Chicago Cardinals to allow 31 or more points in five consecutive games.  It doesn’t help the Giants’ cause that their quarterback keeps giving the ball to the other team.  Eli Manning threw another 3 interceptions on Sunday, bringing his season total to 12.  That’s another league worst.  Let’s try to put it in perspective.  Eli Manning has thrown as many interceptions as Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer, Andrew Luck, Tony Romo, Tom Brady and Matt Ryan COMBINED.  And here’s the really sad part.  At 0 – 5 and in an absolutely tailspin, the Giants are just two games out of first in the disappointing NFC East. 

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